40 Life Lessons at 40
Here's some 'white-haired' wisdom I've picked up in four decades
I turned 40 a few weeks ago. According to the popular phrase, life for me has officially ‘begun’.
This is probably a predictable, cliched post that is almost mandatory when one reaches a certain age milestone in life. I did something similar at 30 and at 35, too.
40 definitely feels more way significant though. There’s a level of gravitas and maturity expected at this point.
The number 40 is especially significant in Islam. It shows itself repeatedly throughout our history.
The Qur’an itself explicitly identifies the age of 40 as a significant milestone in a human being’s life: “... till when he attains full strength and reaches forty years, he says: My Lord! Grant me the power and ability that I may be grateful for Your Favour which You have bestowed upon me …” (Qur’an, 46:15)
The Prophet (SAW) was given his mission, and his Prophethood at the age of 40.
Prophet Ibrahim spent 40 days in a fire and lived because Allah made the fire cool, like flowers.
Some narrations such as Abu Malik and Tabari say the prophet Yunus was in the belly of the whale for 40 days.
Prophet Musa spent 40 days and nights in communion with God on Mt Sinai, where he received the 10 commandments; he also travelled for 40 years in the desert.
40 was the number of days that Prophet Ilyas spent in the wilderness before God appeared to him in a cave on Mount Horeb.
Prophets Dawud and Sulaiman each ruled for forty years.
In the flood of Noah, it rained for 40 days and 40 nights. Prophet Isa walked the desert and fasted in the wilderness for forty days.
There are also many mentions in hadith (e.g. prayers of those drinking wine are not accepted for 40 days, assisting a blind man for 40 steps would ensure heaven, etc)
Inspired by this scholars, sages and mystics have prescribed 40 days as the time required to develop consistency in habits and achieve spiritual progress. The tablighi jamaat recommend going away for 40 days as something that can transform you.
It’s also the reason my own program is a 40 day program, designed to be a transformative experience that can help ANYONE to find and truly live by their purpose like never before.
Oh, and it’s for these reasons I put a list of 40 things I’ve learned as I cross into a new decade.
All of these are important things I’ve learned over the years - some petty and some profound - and in no particular order. I could probably write articles on each and every one of them (and maybe I will, one day!).
The key to happiness is zero expectations. Misery is having expectations of x and the reality being y.
Mission trumps money. Doing your mission the right way will sort out the money side. Money should never be the objective, just the byproduct.
Slow down. It is not a race. Don’t worry if others are getting ahead, you run your own race. We all have the same finish line but a different path to pursue to get there. We’re not being judged on finish time, but on how we perform on the journey.
Know your heroes. Who are they? Why? Study who you admire, and what about them you like and you will understand yourself better.
When the world zigs, you must zag. Don’t listen to the world and don’t follow fashions and trends. It has an agenda and it WILL corrupt you. Instead, unplug as much as you can and be intentional about everything you do.
Context is everything. There’s a root cause behind everything. Don’t be so quick to judge on the apparent. Be nuanced and neutral. Black-and-white thinking does not work with most human problems so understand the grey, too.
The reason we need to learn from history is because human patterns are the same as ever, they don’t change. We’ve had the same enemy from day one - shaytan. Only the details and decoration are different, but the principles of good vs evil, and shaytan calling towards corruption, power, ego, greed and destroying your nafs is always the same.
You honestly don’t need an opinion on everything. It’s okay to be ‘uninformed’. In fact, consuming too much information is a false economy as it renders you unable to digest the important stuff when you come across it. That’s the reason there’s a barrage of it bombarding you from every angle, to render you decision-impotent.
Capitalism is another word for greed. And it spoils everything if left unregulated as the few will ALWAYS want to control and tip the balance in their favour. This type of greed can explain most of the problems in the world today - from poverty to disunity to climate change.
Justice is the key to the universe - it’s what keeps order, balances the equilibrium and allows natural laws to operate effectively. Going against balance in anything will always be destructive in the end. Balance (meezan) is the thing that will change the world. Purpose helps you to find balance.
Find out the one thing you’re willing to shed blood for and go through discomfort for. It’s emotion that leads to motion. Only with heart, should you start. Don’t do it if you’re only bought in logically or intellectually.
Your scars will make you a star. Your worst experiences will shape you and eventually strengthen you - as long as you don’t let it break you. Move forward always, grateful and patient.
Our fitrah has been designed to serve. If you don’t serve God first and foremost, then it will be manipulated to serve other things.
Think good of people. Invest in your relationships. Have a service mindset towards others as it’s a form of worship. Heal others and you heal yourself.
Third parties are the biggest danger to any relationship. Shaytan attacks through third parties which affects your thoughts.
The birds fly high. The bees serve. Be a bird AND a bee. That’s the key to fulfilling your potential.
Your thoughts are the key to your existence. They can make you a superstar and they can also make you suicidal. Change your thoughts, change your reality. Everything we think is a story. We can reframe and rewire ourselves and how we operate by telling new stories.
Once you overcome one challenge in life… expect that another will shortly follow. Life is nothing except a series of challenges to overcome. If you accept this, it will develop and polish you. If you don’t, it will defeat and depress you.
There’s no such thing as an easy life - even for those seemingly doing ‘well’ in whatever area you admire. Not having money is a test, having a lot of money is also a test. One tests your resilience and resourcefulness, and the other tests your humility and relationships.
Never forget the rights vs responsibilities ratio. If you want more rights (e.g. more money, more status etc) then your responsibilities (what you’re willing to do and how you serve others) must go up. If it doesn’t - it affects the balance. Too many rights without responsibilities spoils people. And too many responsibilities without rights enslaves people. This ratio keeps things in order. Messing with this corrupts society. Every group today wants more rights but not willing to do more responsibility for it. e.g. Billionaires have lots of rights but then lobby to pay less tax.
Aim for 80/20. If your life is good 80% of the time you’re doing well. The same applies to anything - your marriage, your health choices your job etc.
Stop seeking validation. Move on. It doesn’t matter. Assume you’ll never be rated by those who are closest to you, familiarity breeds contempt.
Don’t let your identity be defined by one incident. It happened for a reason, the wisdom of which you’re not privy to yet. Get over it. Coincidences don’t exist. Everything that has happened in your life was written and was supposed to happen. There is meaning in it. Look for the meaning.
Forgive your parents. Let yourself heal from your childhood. What you’re holding on to is holding you back. Forgiveness is freedom.
Understand and implement leverage and you can punch above your weight in any field.
The Divine Duty given to Humans by God is to Establish Order and Implement the Creator’s System on Earth. By doing this in our unique way, we will fulfil our purpose and potential and do what God sent us here to do.
Health is the keystone habit that underpins high performance because it cultivates the essence that drives us - energy. Health consists of body (physical), mind (emotional and mental) and soul (spiritual health).
Don't be an oyster. Oysters protect themselves at all costs. Everyone needs to be a little bit vulnerable, get a little bit hurt, a little bit dirty to progress in life. Struggle maketh the man.
Gratitude shapes great attitude.
Complexity is killer. Simplify your life - less really, really is more.
Hire conscientious people - i.e. those wishing to do one's duty well and thoroughly. This means they are: Organised and proactive, Almost-Perfectionist (and take pride in their work), Diligent and Hardworking, Prudent and shrewd
Models and frameworks are great shortcuts to success. Modelling what has worked before will get you to your decision or destination faster, no need to reinvent the wheel. Innovate from there. Truly original work is very rare.
Good, effective communication is a superpower and can solve 90% of problems.
If you care enough, you’ll do what it takes. Don’t try and discuss changing the world if you’re not willing to read a book. Curiosity can lead to the cure.
The most valuable resource is not gold or oil, money or crypto. It is TIME.
If you can’t connect dots, you are only functionally literate.
In today’s Firaunic (tyrannical) world of fitnah - be like Musa to survive and thrive. That means know your enemy, know your Lord, live independently and challenge the system, overcome your fears, take action and trust in Allah for the rest, don’t be deceived by magic/distraction and stay united, always.
Give credit where it is due. Help others without expectation. It will not diminish you. There is more than enough abundance in the world.
The Qur’an is a torch for you in the darkness of today. Hold on to it and let it lead the way.
“So human beings come to this world to do particular work. That work is the purpose, and each is specific to the person - Rumi. FIGURE OUT WHAT YOUR PARTICULAR WORK IS - finding this sense of purpose is the catalyst to achieving your dreams. It will unlock and unleash you and awaken you from your slumber.
Which one resonates most with you?
Here’s to another 40 years of white-haired wisdom, insha’allah!
Mashallah. Waiting for 80 at 80!
This is a must read every morning.